50% of the world’s population has one, so let’s get to know our lady parts a little better, shall we?

Sweet Smelling Namesakes

The word vagina is informal Latin for “sword-sheath.” It’s not so subtly implying that penises are therefore proverbial swords. That same Latin word is also where the English word “vanilla” comes from. But it’s not because vaginas smell like vanilla — the plant pod for vanilla beans looks similar to our lady parts.

Next time you jump into bed with a man and may be feeling insecure, just remember, you have a vanilla shield between your legs!

Adjusting For Inflation

The vagina can expand up to 200 percent its “resting” size. The inner walls are pleated with ringed muscular ridges that can fold out kind of like an umbrella. It’s made that way so babies are able to be pushed out through them.

So, not only do you have a vanilla vagina shield, but it’s also an umbrella! I have an umbrella vanilla vagina shield! Let’s get naked!


Everything that goes into a vagina will come out eventually. The cervix keeps anything from getting past it and into the rest of the body. But the vagina can hold onto things. Extreme muscle contractions can clamp onto an inserted penis and hold it. It’s literally called penis captivus. But don’t worry, it rarely happens.

That’s right men – watch out.  If you make us mad, we may clamp down on you with our vanilla umbrella vaginas.

The Hair Down There

In prehistoric times, pubic hair was a useful shield against extra bacteria getting into vaginas (and was extra sexy to our ancestors). We have underwear for that now. So hopefully pubic hair will evolve itself out of existence (or you can contact us for a sugaring or laser treatment to get rid of that hair!). Also, an interesting fact: a hair on your head will stay there for up to seven years. But any single pubic hair has a shelf life of three weeks. So ladies are basically constantly shedding pubes. Everywhere.

Shedding pubes everywhere?  Did I mention we can sugar or laser those pubes off for you?  

Permanently Set to Auto-Wash

It’s a bad idea to wash out a vagina with lotion or any kind of chemicals, since it already has a built-in self-cleaning mechanism. That’s why it’s damp down there most of the time – the normal vaginal discharge is power washing everything away.

To clean, simply use water with a mild soap.  

It Provides the Flora – You Provide the Fauna

Vaginas are filled with bacteria. But they’re supposed to be. The so-called “vaginal flora” of micro organisms that take up residence in lady parts are part of the natural ecosystem of the body. And having a balanced vaginal flora is a solid sign of good health. But it’s very easy to upset that balance when invading bacteria manage to slip in.

To keep the balance, eat a low-sugar yogurt a few times a week and keep the carbs to a minimum.  

Smelling Of Stronger Stuff

The vaginal flora smells stronger when a lady is on her period, when she’s sweating during a work-out and after sex. All those bacteria are getting heated up with the activity that’s happening down there. Vaginas start producing extra lubricant to handle the movement.

Overdoing It

Too much sex or an unbalanced vaginal flora will alter a woman’s body’s ability to produce the right amount of lubricant, leading to dryness and potential chafing. Urinating after sex can help keep the vaginal flora balanced – it clears out any bacteria that hitched a ride in on a penis. Because yes, that happens.


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